I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
