just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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