i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
