Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
