Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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