so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
