Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
