drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
