I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
