I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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