You can't special order awesome
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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