You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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