I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
