I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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