she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
