What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
