I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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