Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
