no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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