I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
