whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
