It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
