haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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