Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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