You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
