Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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