My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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