I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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