Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
