its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
