Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
