I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
