3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
