At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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