somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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