are you still at the devil's house?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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