I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
