Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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