Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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