Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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