If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
that is very illegal...i love you.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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