It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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