Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
