i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize