This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
