Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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