tonight lets celebrate not being married
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
