On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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