I'm eating all of the evidence.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
