Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
