what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
