The maid of honor just puked.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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