Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
