This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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