Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
soo... how was my night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
