no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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