My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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