The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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