on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
