im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I want to fling myself into the sun
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
