well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
