help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
